No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
