Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
