handjob tips. give me some.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
