today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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