She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
