Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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