i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she peed on how many people?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
