I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
