The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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