About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
