mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am naked and annoyed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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