I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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