At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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