I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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