My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
