Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
