Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
