Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
