70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize