I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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