I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
