He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
