I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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