See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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