What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
