Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize