I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
