i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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