you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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