Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
