watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
