Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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