my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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