I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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