dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
