WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
