Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize