anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She's not a foreskin expert like you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
