Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
