Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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