I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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