Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
