I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
