how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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