a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
