he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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