I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
