You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I had to cum in my sink.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
