There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
