i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry about my life...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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