i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
