i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Someone signed my nipple.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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