he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
