so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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