There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
