Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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