he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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