I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize