I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
