Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
