Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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