He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
