I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
