THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
