she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
do nipples grow back?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
