We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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